I am fat.
I admit it. It took me months to admit it so to those who have been biting their lips to say that to me, lo and behold, you can breathe a sigh of relief. I have gone already through the 5 stages of acceptance and #5 is a breath of fresh air. It wasn't easy but here I am. I look in the mirror and I acknowledge the fact that I am twice as big as I was in highschool. I always say I'm just "soft and fluffy" ... but then again, I'm actually just "squishy".
I was subconsciously aware of how big I was. I was going to the gym, jogging, dieting pills all just for the "fun" of it. But ... ugh, all of those were tiring and quite frankly, painful. I just didn't have enough dedication and interest on those things. I would try for a month and then I was back to sleeping and eating. The latter were easier. But then again, my clothes started to suffocate me. Great.
Sometimes there are these moments when I get sudden enlightenment. Like a light bulb turning on, I realized the ultimate solution to my ultimate problem - yoga. I don't have to go out, I don't have to wear gym clothes and sneakers, I don't have to be with arrogant people, and most importantly, I'll be flexible! I joked with my friends why I want to be flexible. If you're reading enough Cosmopolitan and FHM magazine, you'll know what I mean
On a more serious note, I'm very thankful that this is my chosen exercise. It was just what the doctor ordered. The instructor had a relaxing aura around her and my fellow students were all serious yoga. The room was quiet and had a serene atmosphere that it made me relax and hear nothing else but my own heartbeat. It was just perfect.
Whenever I feel that stretch on my legs, the bend on my back and the trickling of my sweat down my face, I know not that I'm just burning calories, I'm improving my focus and meditation. 20 minutes a day everyday is enough. It's slow progress but I'd rather have this than to go back on my old ways. It made me conscious about the choices I make too. It's not only about the food I eat - it's also made me realize what kind of company I keep. It's that clarity of thought that came unexpectedly.
Don't worry. I won't write about me dieting or make a blog on weight tracking. That'll just be nasty. Haha
Oh I didn't notice that you're a Panda until I read this blog. All the while I thought you were a Grizzly bear. Stupid me! :0P
ReplyDeleteI like the way you began this entry! " I have already gone through the five stages of acceptance" :))
ReplyDeleteI heard that the best exercise is the one you enjoy best, because it's the one you end up sticking to. :D A couple of my friends are doing yoga. I know it strengthens the muscles and makes you more flexible, but... personally I am not sure if you can lose a bulk of weight with it. To lose weight, you need some cardio and to dare your heart rate to a place it has never gone before :)) somewhere way beyond your resting heart rate. However, the healthy diet that you mentioned will help you lose the lbs significantly.
I like being around people who are health-conscious. Easy to get motivated to eat healthy stuff around them. Always had problems with weight around my cousins who'd gorge themselves w desserts and I''d feel corny if I didnt join them...