Living life to the fullest - FAILED

I just finished chatting with my friend about our Singapore trip. Turns out, the travel agent suggested that we go to Bangkok for the Sky Lantern Festival. With all due respect, I LOVE that event. The first time I watched it featured in Nat Geo, I knew it's one of the events I want to experience.

BUT .... if I choose to be wise, I'll opt not to go. Both for the SG trip and the Bangkok trip. I initially offered just to meet them at Thailand since I know it's going to be cheaper, but if I choose to see the bigger picture, it will be better for me not to go at all.

This is actually the reason why I want to clear out my credit card bill and hurry up with my savings. I admit that I have loved having my own money too much that I messed up with my savings - big time. It only got worse when my credit card came along. It seems like I drain my money away the week I get my salary so by the second week, I'm penniless again. Hence, I end up taking some money off my savings just so I can get by.

It's sick really. I'm sure I don't have a good record with my previous bank. I withdraw more than I save. I don't like listing down my expenses because, come on, do people really want to know how sick they are? This supposed SG trip with my friends helped me realize how worse I've become. I literally have no money to show off. I am your typical no-good girl! I have all this crap but I'm technically penniless! I like to eat in fancy restaurants, I buy all these nice shoes and bags, I drink Starbucks almost everyday .... but I'm basically poor! I have NOTHING to call my own! I fancy a car but I don't have the money to pay even for a lousy second-hand. If my mom decides to kick me out, I have NOWHERE TO GO. I can't pay for a nice apartment.

Talking about living my life to the fullest.

My friend offered to loan me money. Not a wise suggestion really. He loans me the money, and then am back to having debts again. The bigger picture? I spend money for the trip ... but then I come back home broke. Not really a pretty picture. Van Gogh's The Scream looks a lot hell nicer than my life right now. I actually know what I need to do. But hell - I just can't find any enthusiasm to DO what I need to do. I'm so tired of thinking of my bills and yet I have no money by the end of the day.

Cest La vie my darlings?