Writer's Block

**Because I have a lot of thoughts in my head but find it unnecessary to write one whole blog entry for all of them, I decided to create this hodge-podge of an entry

I just came home from one of my morning walk sessions. I rarely do this anymore, but I enjoy the few short hours of just treading along the sidewalk bustling with joggers and casual walkers. I work the night shift so the world is a different place when the sun is up. I get to see the sun rise over the horizon countless times from the office window. It never ceases to amaze me how the sky changes from starry black, and then light orange, then blue.

As I was walking and listening to my Japanese music (I don't understand the lyrics, but I do appreciate the sounds - GO SCANDAL!), I was thinking of the things that concerns the now and the yet. It was amazing how I have exerted a lot of emotions on some of the stuff that happened to me. The major ones were my break-up with my 2-year boyfriend, my highschool graduation, my resignation from my teaching job, me getting hired in a call center, and being sent to the States.

Right now, I'm debating with myself on another career decision that could either make me or break me. I just had my performance review and so far, I did better (thank God). But a question lingered in my head - should I stay or not? I have established myself as a dependable and somewhat bitchy/flirty employee. I have had my own share of anguish and success, complaints and solutions, drama and comedy. Apparently, I did so well my boss wants to clone me. Now am not too sure if that's a good idea, but I am quite sure that if I see another me, I'M GOING TO DESTROY HER.

I am faced with the dilemma because I'm not even sure if it IS a dilemma. I know I can adapt and I give my best with what I was provided with. BUt the question was if I'm ready. Now how do you gauge if you're ready? When I quit my job as a teacher, I wasn't ready. I just did it without thinking. When I accepted the job in the call center, I wasn't ready. I just plunged in because I needed money. Now that I'm thinking and have a steady supply of income, I'm not sure what my reason will be for leaving my post. I think I just I'm too comfortable with where I am right now - but I can't determine if it's worth to stay or leave.

And then there's my friend I had an interesting "issue" with. We were just starting our friendship and it was a fine start, but then I had a rather uncomfortable encounter with his past. It was a surprising circumstance that totally caught me off guard. Confusion and hurt gripped me but deeper thinking told me not to hold any grudge. If this happened when I was younger, I could have wailed and cursed. But with all the heart aches I gained, I learned to listen to the other side of the story, provided they exert the effort to explain (which he did). But he is such a young soul, I have no idea what's going on in his head. I can't remember the last time I was this worried. I just pray and hope he is safe.

When I say best friend, it doesn't mean exclusivity. I just meant that this is a person who knows at least 85% of me and I trust completely. I only have 2 of these in my life - Manpreet and Karl. They have been my friends since highschool and their families are practically my second families. It helps that their houses are only a few blocks from where I live. They are my first line of comfort when I need it. No BS, no holds barred. They can sometimes forget that although I'm no girly-girly, I can still get hurt. But with almost a decade of friendship, I will choose no one else to be my best friends.

I guess I'll just wrap this up by saying, I am feminine and musculine. I love fashion but I despise high-end brands. I like going to fine restaurants but I can spend a day in my bedroom playing games. I wear a skirt but think like a guy (sometimes). Love me or hate me, your choice.